


The Kidfic AU - 1

by Tieleen



Series: The Kidfic AU [1]
Category: Bandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Gen, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-17
Updated: 2010-08-17
Packaged: 2017-10-11 03:23:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/107804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tieleen/pseuds/Tieleen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>William gives him his coffee and sits back down behind his desk. "Well, Pete, you do have to remember people without kid experience will probably run screaming from your kids."</p><p>"Haven't noticed experience making much difference there," Pete mutters, not sounding entirely unhappy about it. "Still, fuck them if they can't handle it, right?"</p><p>"Sure," William says easily. Personally he's scared of Pete's kids, but it's not like he wants to date him, either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Kidfic AU - 1

**Author's Note:**

> Scenes from a life. This story started out as a way for me to memorize facts for my Medical Materials exam, and while it definitely proved writing isn't an effective studying technique, I ended up falling in love with the universe.
> 
> It was also supposed to be about the grand romance of Pete and Gerard, but really, mostly it ended up being the story of Pete Wentz having six kids.
> 
> Reading in no way requires understanding the occassional science bits between the // marks, though if you do understand them all, you should definitely consider taking some of my exams for me.

//Valences: Other factors being equal, a metal will have more of a tendency to dissolve another metal of higher valency than one of a lower valency.//

 

"So let me get this straight," Brian says carefully. "You're saying if everything else's pretty much inconclusive, you'd prefer to get married to someone with more kids than you do than the other way around."

Gerard thinks about this. "Yeah, that sounds about right."

"I have just the right candidate," Brian says. "Bill, get me the Wentz file!"

**

//For interstitial solid solutions, impurity atoms fill the voids or interstices among the host atoms. For metallic materials that have a relatively high Atomic Packing Factor, these interstitial positions are relatively small. The atomic radii of the interstitial impurity must be substantially smaller than the host atom. Normally, the allowable concentration of interstitial impurity is low.//

 

"Seriously, that's what he said?" Pete says dubiously. "I don't know, I wasn't really thinking _more_ kids was the right way to go here."

William gives him his coffee and sits back down behind his desk. "Well, Pete, you do have to remember people without kid experience will probably run screaming from your kids."

"Haven't noticed experience making much difference there," Pete mutters, not sounding entirely unhappy about it. "Still, fuck them if they can't handle it, right?"

"Sure," William says easily. Personally he's scared of Pete's kids, but it's not like he wants to date him, either. "Okay, listen, the thing to think about is the APF."

"Okay?" Pete says.

"Affectionate packing factor," William explains. "What you want is a family that's close, right, but not so close you guys can't fit in. So you think about it like a dining room table, or, you know, a family photo. Can your kids fit in between his kids? Or the other way around, I guess, there are more of you. Luckily you guys are all twigs."

"You can't really fit that many people around our dining table," Pete says, thoughtful. "How many kids did you say he has again?"

"Three," William says, then waits while Pete tilts his head and moves his lips and makes circular gestures in the air in calculation, face turning more and more dubious. "He's very pretty?"

**

//A dislocation is a linear or one-dimensional defect around which some of the atoms are misaligned.//

 

"Okay," Brian says, putting his feet up on the desk and sipping the coffee William passes him with tired satisfaction. "Walk me through the data."

"Both love music," William reports, putting one foot on the corner of the desk as well, and leaning back with the papers. "Neither can play –"

"I thought Wentz said he could play something," Brian interrupts. He doesn't entirely think musical compatibility is the most important factor in matchmaking, but… well, okay, maybe he does think that.

"Yeah, he was lying," William says. "both widowed, small but supportive extended families, both've survived a few years on their own even though you got the impression that the partner was the one who got the kids ready for school and remembered about filing taxes before. Both kind of crazy."

"Yeah, all right," Brian says, fumbling for his cigarettes in the mess on the desk. "What about the stuff that doesn't fit?"

"Well, Way supposedly quit smoking, but he kept staring at your ashtray while he was waiting," William says. "Wentz's ex-edge, could be trouble later. Uhh…" he turns a few pages. "Wentz seems to know everybody in town and doesn't seem to actually sleep. Your notes said it sounded like the kids were the only reason Way doesn't live in a one-bedroom with a barricaded door."

"Huh," Brian says. "You know, I have a good feeling about this."

**

//These dislocations are created during the process of: solidification, plastic deformation, or thermal stress resulting from rapid cooling. //

 

"Okay," Brian told the class. "The three major things that can cause problems in marriage are: solidification, which is a fancy name for when we get into a routine and start taking things for granted; plastic deformation, which is when big changes happen in our lives and one or both partners have trouble bouncing back; and big unresolved fights, where even after the making up is done, the issues stay and cause pressure."

People nodded and took notes. Then Gerard Way crashed in through a protesting William and said, "Hey, man, look, you've gotta help me, I'm going crazy here."

Brian really needed to find a good reason for Pete and Gerard not to be dating anymore.


End file.
